Monday, January 12, 2009

Petition to Disney

Dear Disney,

I'm 6'3" tall, and I'm writing you to petition that you should change all the "must be this tall to ride" signs on all the fast rides in Disneyland, Disney World, and Euro Disney to a minimum height of 6'. People who are smaller than me and my friends simply don't deserve to be allowed on the fast rides. You're current height requirements of around 4' have turned the Disney theme parks into easy mode, it just isn't special enough to be allowed on those rides.

I've put a lot of effort into getting to the height I am, eating all my vegetables all the time, and I feel that Disney should reward that effort by reserving certain content for me and people like me. By letting the morons and slackers who don't even know how to eat right on the fast rides, you are devalueing my achievement. How do you want me to consider the photo that gets shot at the exit as epic if nowadays basically everyone can get one?

Furthermore I feel that the lesser Disney park visitors need role-models to look up to, literally. By limiting the thrill rides to tall people, you encourage the smaller ones to get their act together and grow. They will see the tall people strutting around the elite exclusive rides, and want to be like that. I dismiss the argument that smaller visitors pay the same entry fee as taller visitors of the same age, and thus should be allowed to use the same content. The slow rides like the Alice in Wonderland tea cups, or It's a Small World, are good enough for them.

As I'm taking Disney theme parks more serious than the casual visitors, I should be entitled to lots of exclusive content. So please, Disney, reserve all the thrill rides to those elite customers of yours that are over 6' tall, like me. We deserve it!



[Author's Note: Before this is taken out of context and causes a storm of outrage among Disney fans, let me state that this petition of course isn't real. It is a parody on those people who demand that only players that play as much and as well as they do should be allowed by Blizzard to participate in raid content and get epics. Disney was in fact more intelligent in realizing that excluding a majority of your customers from the most fun content wasn't a good business model. Blizzard just came around to that realization in the last expansion, causing the previously "elite" to complain.]

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